Night Terror Last Night

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Feeling upside down today.

My anxiety has been relatively calm since I returned from Belize, so I am not sure what, if anything, spurred this. I spoke with my therapist about my dream this morning. I had the sensation that it was a long and involved dream, but here are the bits I remember:

I was sitting on a bed with my grandma next to me and she all of a sudden was ripped away (trying to hold on to the bed) by some evil presence I couldn’t see, but knew was there. It physically was dragging her. It occurred to me to physically try to fight it, so I did, but it didn’t help. It was very vivid. I could feel my nails catching on something sort of like skin, but the thing taking my grandma was invisible. The other clip I remember was that my boxing gloves were slashed/ruined and I felt responsible for it, though I don’t know how it happened. I woke up terrified and feeling like something was in the room with me… and having some type of spirit connection I thought there might be so I prayed, which usually helps, but it didn’t last night. I’ve had dreams with much worse/more sinister content and was able to calm down and go back to sleep just fine. I don’t know what was so bad about this one.

My therapist asked me what sort of characteristics my grandma had (she has passed) that come to mind. I said she is smart, caring, brave, resourceful, self-reliant, and strong. My therapist suggested that maybe there is some internal battle going on inside me, that she thinks is a good thing, because it means that I’m changing, in that I’m trying to be true to myself, more like the qualities I saw in my grandma, but that something within me is pulling me back and doesn’t think that her and I should “sit on the same level” or bed, just yet. I sort of subscribe to that. I’ve started to try not to beat myself up for my current circumstances or things that I don’t like about my current situation and just try to accept conflicting ideas or feelings that I have as they come, while trying to act in the best way possible that mirrors what I really value… but maybe the dream represented how I still feel unable to do those things, and even though I was proud of myself for starting to learn Muay Thai, I still unconsciously feel like I can’t do it and that I ruin everything (hence the slashed gloves). Idk. This was interesting to me because I haven’t felt so unsafe at night in a long long time so I’m not sure what spurred it.

2 thoughts on “Night Terror Last Night

  1. i hope you’re okay, my love! please oh take care of yourself! i’m around if yyou ever need someone, who’d write you poetry! i’d love to, in the hope of making you smile! take care, my love!

    Like

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