I think my post today is going to be short, likely due to my annoyance with my slow internet.
One of the many perks of going to a Catholic university is getting holidays off… which helps me recharge. My anxiety has been in reasonable check lately, pretty much the only thing throwing me off is confrontation-y things regarding people in my cohort and group projects. I normally don’t care so much about confrontations with people that I never have to see again, but having confrontations with people that I know I will have to interact with for quite some time yet is hard for me. Though, in the past couple years of my life I have been doing a better job of speaking up and standing up for myself and taking less shit. That does help me feel better about myself and feel like I act with integrity. My main tip for those with anxiety dealing with confrontations is just to say your piece when you’re calm. Even texting it is better than not saying it at all, you’ll respect yourself more and other people likely will respect you too for being assertive and honest, even if they don’t agree. Even in a doctorate program, people don’t always do their fair share of work and I have had it with it and have less issues pointing that out than before.
I think, too, people with anxiety get so caught up in worrying about the future or what might happen that they rob themselves of enjoying the present. I’m guilty of that. I’ve been trying lately to stay more in tune with the present and to just focus on what’s in front of me. I try not to spend my time worrying about things that might happen if this and this and this happen. It’s just a waste of energy. And I think being in a doctorate program really beats the perfectionism out of you, because in order to just function and meet deadlines, you sometimes are forced to accept that you just aren’t able to do your best work ALL of the time or read for every class ALL of the time… and be ok with that. That has been hard for me, but in a way helpful too because I have so many presentations, teaching, conferences, etc that I don’t have time to perseverate on any anxious thoughts about an upcoming one, because I have so many all the time… you just have to go with it and move on.