I’ve been dragging. Lots of stress lately so I have been overeating. Someone actually mentioned that they thought I lost weight, so that almost fueled my overeating in a weird way. I’m not quite sure how my relationship with food gets so out of wack sometimes. When I’m feeling less anxious and more balanced, eating is just natural and does not cause any obsessive thoughts, but when I’m stressed out I can obsess about food and wanting to eat junk. That’s what has been going on the past few days I think. On top of not sleeping well. I don’t know what has been happening, I was in a pretty decent sleeping groove and I’m not sure what happened! It’s frustrating.
The one thing that has been helping, though, is going on walks because the weather has been a bit nicer. I think as I increase my independence, I’ll likely have to move some place warmer than Western Pennsylvania if I am to live my best life. I get so depressed and unhealthy after like 6 months of winter with the grey and cold. Warmer weather, even just when it’s around 50 degrees, really motivates me to want to walk outside more. So maybe that’ll be a longer term goal of mine to move to a warmer place.
I did recently have a dream in which Luna (my wolf baby dog who passed in 2015) and I were near my grandparents house. It was flooding. My parents and my other dog had already left and I was trying to close this gate to keep out the water, but there was already too much of it and I couldn’t close the gate. So Luna and I had to swim to higher ground. I found her lying down with her nose under the water, so I thought she was dead, but she wasn’t. We made it to someone’s house, bathed in sunshine, who was completely calm and invited us in. He said not to worry because he had a boat in case the water became too high. He was just tending to his garden.
I think the dream was odd for a couple reasons, normally when I dream of water, it’s a “good” thing. I wasn’t afraid of the water in this dream, just afraid that Luna wouldn’t be able to swim. Also, I think it just overall represented how I always feel like I’m struggling and everyone else seems prepared/has things figured out. And how I often feel alone and abandoned and flailing. I do feel like that a lot.