I have a short, but much needed break from classes. I don’t really feel like updating about how stressful my life is, so I think instead I will start with a dream interpretation and then a list of things to remember.
Recently I’ve been having dreams about my dad. Earlier this week I had one in which I could see through him and he needed some help with work around the house. He said he couldn’t lift things anymore and he looked like he was fading away. Last night’s dream was more of a nightmare:
I was in a previous childhood house, getting ready for sleep. A grade school friend was over and fell asleep in my moms bed and so I asked if she could go to the guest one. (We didn’t have one). She said sure. My mom came to bed, but it wasn’t my mom. She wasn’t like scary though. But then she started talking about how I used to have nightmares. I covered her mouth hard, which seemed like clay and she was wearing pink lipstick but none of that alarmed me. Because I was scared I asked if I could sleep with her and she said yes. So I went to my room to get my things I needed for the next day. This included a wallet and a couple long maxi dresses for whatever reason, a black a white and a sparkly blue one. Just as I we settling in to go to sleep, my grade school friend and my dad rush in as if they were sleeping in the same room and became frightened. I looked to the door but nothing was immediately following or chasing them. My friend was half laughing and my dad said wait, you’ll see a ___ (some word). I waited to see some monster, but instead I saw my dad (or another one), or someone who looked like my dad just calmly walking down the stairs without looking toward all of us in my mom’s room. I told my mom to call the police and for whatever reason went after this person or thing. I grabbed him by the wrists at the bottom of the stairs. He did look like my dad up close. Kind of. Like a movie, I asked them both to tell me an inside joke or something. My dad was on the stairs now, coming down to the landing. My dad said something and the guy in my hands couldn’t tell me one. He just kept smiling, with my dad’s teeth/veneers. He did try to show me his feet for some reason. It looked like he attached some sort of prosthetic toes because a few looked plastic. I told him to get out. At this point I realized he was stronger than I was and he started twisting an arm to get free. As if to show me he wasn’t my dad in a mocking way he roughly shoved a finger into his eye to move a contact out, but it was as of the whole iris was a contact, he just gouged it out, leaving nothing there but white and some black veins. Then I woke up.
Interpretation: I think children come to this realization over and over that their parents are not invincible and they are not perfect. This isn’t an easy lesson to learn, when you look to your parents for everything when you are young. The more I think about this dream/nightmare, the more complex it seems. It speaks to the Jekyll/Hyde personality that my dad seems to have, but it also shows some of my own bravery, I think, that I don’t normally acknowledge. Too, I took melatonin before bed last night, which increases REM sleep, and with it, your chances of dreaming… so that might also be the explanation. But! It is interesting to write down in detail what your brain comes up with when your executive functioning really isn’t in control.
Finally, here are some things that you don’t have to justify to anyone. I need to remember these things as well. You don’t need to justify
- Your living situation
- Your work situation
- Who you spend time with
- What you spend money on
- Saying no to something
- Taking time for yourself
- What you eat
- What you don’t eat
- How your body looks
- The clothes you enjoy wearing
Please add more if you feel so inclined in the comments.