Sometimes planning ahead doesn’t work.
Having recently come from an impromptu interview of sorts, I am a little off balance. I was interested in applying for a graduate assistantship that the chair of the department mentioned in an email, so I directly messaged the person overseeing the position asking for more information. She asked to meet, I didn’t have the job description so I thought of the meeting as more an informational session than an interview (though I dressed like it was an interview). Sigh, I just hate being unprepared. Oh well. Some things are definitely out of your control.
Other than that setting off my equilibrium, I have recognized that for most of my life I really haven’t been in tune with my body at all. Last week I was writing outside on my laptop in the gazebo for a few hours, being pretty productive, but then I found myself irritable and unable to focus. My head hurt and it felt as though the skin around my eyes was stretched tight. I wasn’t stressed out about the work before, but I started to stress … what was going on?
I WAS DEHYDRATED AND HUNGRY.
It’s a wonder that I can produce any quality work at all when I take such shit care of myself. After I had a snack I felt so much better. I realized I am definitely not in tune with my hunger cues and I am going to try to be more intuitive about my eating. I spent much of my life hating food and viewing it as an adversary, something to combat the effects of–not being able to really have what I want in the quantity that I want it. I think that this comes from my dance background where your body is the focal point and it is hard to always feel compared to other thin girls when your body type just isn’t that way. I’m trying to take better care of my body and look for healthier recipes… if I actually find any I like, maybe I will share them, but for now I had steamed veggies and rice for dinner last night. How exciting -_-. But I will say that I did sleep really well last night and feel somewhat energized today, even after my perceived failure at an interview.
I find that certain types of activities such as writing and having to synthesize information/sound smart are much more taxing and emotionally draining for me than, say, reading for class or having an individual counseling session where I can see my progress as time goes on. I have spent hours writing and researching, only to have a couple pages drafted. It’s frustrating, but I think that’s common for any writer or academic. Anyway, I’m hoping to swim a few laps before class… really though, sometimes you can plan for something and due to just lack of communication and information things might not go as well as you had hoped, but that’s ok.