I’m so aggravated right now. For whatever reason wordpress won’t load on my shit laptop so I’m writing from my shit iPhone4.
Anyhow. I’ll keep this brief because I’m not feeling very “well” today anyway. Though I did submit a proposal to a conference so I guess that’s something to feel good about. Keeping your balance while pursuing academia is no joke. It’s exhausting. And if you want to be both an academic and creative writer like I do, it’s doubly exhausting. Being rejected over and over and over and over is hard. I thought it would get easier, but it hasn’t yet. I try not to take it personally, but sometimes it’s hard not to. People can be cruel. One comment I received back recently on a rejected manuscript I cowrote with a colleague said they had no feedback because the paper was so poorly written. I know that’s not true but it still burns. Sigh. It makes me even more terrified to submit creative writing that is more personal, if I ever finish anything. It makes me sick to think of how many hours I put into that aforementioned paper for nothing. Absolutely sick. I try not to think of it as wasted time, but that doesn’t make me feel better. Being so busy is one good source of distraction from disappointment in academia at least. I try to have boundaries and take care of myself but it’s hard.