Wellness Wednesday 

I’m so messed up I didn’t even realize it was Wednesday until now. 

  
I’m sitting in the parking lot of my university listening to The National before  having to be around people for the next 7 hours. The thought is just exhausting and I’m seriously considering just going home after the meetings I absolutely have to go to and just skipping class. I haven’t felt this badly in a while and I can’t discern if it’s anxiety triggered by some trauma response. I don’t know but I’ve been on edge for like a week now and  I don’t really have any anxiety producing things in my immediate future so I can’t figure out what’s going on. 

The picture up above is of a healing springs I came across on a hike. 

I’m tearing up in my car and I have absolutely no idea what’s going on and can’t pinpoint anything triggering this. I should probably just go home but I’m already here so I’ll try to stick out a few responsibilities while holding it together. But I guess I’ll give myself permission to skip class. 

I’m really not doing well, which is unsettling because I normally manage my anxiety fairly well and I had my first panic attack in like years on Sunday night. Oh well. 

How completely high was I

I was off by a thousand miles

Hit the ceiling, then you fall

Things are tougher than we are

I could walk out, but I won’t

In my mind I am in your arms

I wish someone would take my place

Can’t face heaven all heavenfaced

One thought on “Wellness Wednesday 

  1. God is so Awesome — as I was pondering how I might encourage you, I prayed and looked at my daily email and found the following. I believe it is all true and that God’s sustaining love can and will reach the depths of your anxiety and in His time give rise to beautiful new beginnings. It comes from another pastor – Paul Tripp.

    Praying for your day, don

    When The Pain Is Too Painful

    Have you ever experienced something in life so painful that you wanted to shut down and never turn back on? Have you ever felt so crushed that, at least for the moment, you couldn’t imagine ever getting back up?

    For me, it was the physical trauma that accompanied my kidney damage.

    I will never be able to adequately describe it to you. This was pain like I never knew existed. My body went into spasms, and the pain was focused on my groin area where it felt as if someone had stuck me with a knife.

    The spasms came with ferocity every two or three minutes. The pain was so intolerable that involuntary screams just came out of me, for thirty-six hours straight.

    As I screamed, I couldn’t understand why someone in the hospital didn’t do something to relieve my pain. My son Ethan explained it to me: “Dad, they’re not worried about your pain right now; they’re worried about saving your life. When you’re stable, they’ll give you something for your pain.”

    After a particularly horrible and longer-than-usual spasm, in tears I looked at Luella and told her I wanted to die.

    Maybe you won’t experience acute physical suffering like mine, but in a fallen world, you will inevitably encounter some form of physical, emotional, or relational agony.

    The deterioration of your health. Suddenly and inexplicably losing your job. The death of a loved one. Being abandoned or betrayed by someone you thought you could trust. The collapse of a lifelong dream.

    So what do you do when the pain is so deep that you can’t think of anything else but the pain?

    For me, in between the screams that the spasms triggered, the only words I could muster were, “God, help me! God, help me! God, help me!”

    Why was that simple, almost cliché, prayer so needed and so comforting? Because the One to whom I was crying was not distant; He was near.

    The central lie of Satan to all God’s suffering children comes in the form of this question: “Where is your God now?” The lie embedded in this question is that our suffering is clear evidence that we have been forsaken by God.

    Meanwhile, the Bible presents us with this promise from Joshua 1:5 (and numerous other passages) – “I will not leave you or forsake you.”

    I’ll be honest. Suffering defeated me. There were times when the pain was too much. But in all the emotional and spiritual ups and downs, on the good days and the bad days, whether I fought or succumbed, one thing was sure.

    My Lord was with me, and he is there for you, and there is no struggle without or war within that will ever drive him away. And his presence guarantees that in your suffering, you will have everything you need.

    So when the pain is too painful, with so many things to worry about, you don’t have to waste your spiritual and emotional energy on the fear that you will be forsaken by your Heavenly Father.

    He is in you, he is with you, he is for you, and he will never leave.

    God bless

    Paul David Tripp

    P.S. – To read more about the lies of Satan that accompany suffering and other Bible verses to embrace in moments of pain, pick up a copy of Suffering: Gospel Hope When Life Doesn’t Make Sense. I pray my new book will encourage you in the midst of suffering, or, equip you to be an agent of comfort to those in pain.

    Like

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