When the cold and the grey of Pennsylvania start getting me down, I have to remember that Spring will come. That’s hard to remember on days when my anxiety gets the best of me. It’s a constant battle. Today, at this very moment, as I type this before going into a meeting at my university– I feel good. I feel content, present, even though there are many different things I could be planning or worrying about, I am trying to believe that I have the capability to handle all of them and that they will work out.
I try to channel a moment after a vacation last year when I am in a place of fear. I was completely comfortable in a place that would normally cause me great anxiety: an airport. I was in Belize waiting to return to the United States. It might have been the time at sea rejuvenated me, it may have been the reading I was doing … but I try to remember how good I felt. The rushing people, the screaming children, the anxious pacing, some nervous faces, people bumping into me in my seat as they walked past… I didn’t care. I didn’t feel tense like I normally do, I didn’t care if my flight got delayed I was just happy to be alive and content. I have a sort of glimpse of that right now, though, to a lesser degree. It could be because I swam 2 days this week… and maybe swimming every day (a lot) while I was in Belize primed me to feel that calm in a place that would normally incite panic in me. I try my best to take care of myself, but swimming seems to be the only thing that brings me that sort of grounding. I hope all of you reading this have something that can do that for– be it reading, praying, walking in nature, working out… if you don’t feel like you have something that usually helps bring you comfort in peace, please keep trying. It may not even work all the time, but it’s essential that you have something. For me, it’s nature, swimming, and the sea. Find yours.