Wellness Wednesday: Fear of Intimacy

People oftentimes act as though they want closeness and intimacy, but balk when it comes to open and honest communication. They want the thrill and fun of relationships without the vulnerability to being hurt or rejected. Or they want intimacy just on their own terms, when it’s convenient/when they want attention. It’s hard to get needs met when you have trouble communicating them. Why can’t it just be easy?

People are placed in your path to challenge your core wounds. They force you to acknowledge past unresolved hurts that inevitably will come up in new connections when they haven’t been fully processed and integrated. If you have a desire for growth, become curious about those wounds and moving past them to lead a more fulfilling and integrated life.

I saw a post on Instagram from a friend today, not sure if it was a repost, but it said:

There is a difference between a boy who kinda likes you and a man who needs your soul next to his. Learn the difference.

This struck me, because I wasted a lot of time in the past with the former, thinking or wishing it were the latter.

Gender terminology aside, the post communicates something important. Value yourself enough to recognize when someone does not value you!

Being honest with yourself and others about your needs/desires/intentions is the key to having true healthy intimacy. If you aren’t in a place to make a commitment, totally cool, but don’t lead someone to believe that you are. On the other hand, if you are wanting something more serious, waiting around for someone to change their mind about you not only devalues you, but wastes your time. Know your worth and know that you’re an awesome human. People will pursue you if they are interested. You can’t make someone be ready/want you the way you want them. Wasting time and energy on that lowers your self-esteem and is futile. People have to come to their own realizations about relationships. It doesn’t mean that someone doesn’t care about you if they aren’t ready for a relationship, but it might mean that they are not currently in a state where they can care about/love you they way that you are ready for/need. That can be a hard pill to swallow, but it’s better to look at it head on and get it over with than drag out the situation unnecessarily.

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