I’ve gotten good feedback lately about my teaching and some hard to hear feedback in other areas. It’s hard to internalize and integrate both the good and bad… instead of just the bad, er, more constructive.
Sometimes with your best intentions, you’re still misunderstood and things can’t get rectified. I’ve learned to try not to take offense to certain things: people being late, not being honest, not being communicative. It’s hard though, when the opposite of those things are what I really value most when it comes to friendships and deeper connections… but not everyone operates like I do and I have to accept that, or they simply have different priorities.
I’ve been writing much more lately than I have in a long time … both academically and creatively. Usually that helps me process things, but not today. Having so much to juggle makes it hard for me to keep my head above water— when I really would rather be under it. Far under it. It’s calmer there. It’s similar to when you see potential and having it squashed, or when you anticipate connecting with someone only to find them distracted, like they’re asleep or something. Sometimes I feel like the world is asleep and I’m the only one awake.
Sometimes it’s hard not to have confirmation bias, like see? This is what always happens, discounting when the opposite happens. Like when someone ignores you/doesn’t acknowledge your feelings, it’s easy to think of all the other times someone made you feel that way instead of trying to look at the people who don’t treat you like that. I try to look for the challenges to negative thoughts, but damn sometimes it’s hard.