Wellness Wednesday: Self Expression

In some ways I feel like my psychology and counseling training has ruined me. In the best possible way, of course. Let me explain.

I spend a lot of time analyzing people. Dealing with their innermost thoughts and emotions. So when in my personal life people seem unwilling or unable to be forthcoming and honest with what is going on for them, I become impatient. And that’s totally on me. I shouldn’t expect people to always want to share with me like my clients do, but it’s hard to have one sided “intimate” relationships at work and then feel disappointed in my personal when I don’t have that reciprocated connection. Being a therapist can actually be lonely.

I think I’ve also learned that my top love languages might actually be a tie between quality time and words of affirmation. I can’t believe it has taken me so long to realize that. I’m a lover of words. Obviously. I love expressing myself verbally and find myself annoyed sometimes when lovers, friends, whoever, don’t act like that. I find it so so so confusing. Like how can you function without processing things and telling people honestly what you think/feel? When I care about someone I want to know how they experience things. What makes them who they are etc.

I know. It’s easier to hide. Run. Not take the risk of being open. It almost always is. It’s hard to admit that you failed to communicate or missed the opportunity to make a connection. But I seriously would rather burst into flames than have surface level friendships and connections. It means I’m lonely a lot and my circle is small, but at least I’m not bashing my head against a wall in frustration . Lol.

A major goal of therapy is gaining self awareness. Learning self insight is a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that you’re fully awake and a curse because you realize how many people around you aren’t.

Take care, both my awake and asleep friends.

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