As I am prepping for class tonight I’m just reflecting on how far I have come with trying new things in teaching and counseling… and trying to allow myself to make mistakes and pick myself back up and just be like: “Whelp… that didn’t work, won’t do that again.” Or, “Okay, this is how I will tweak that next time.” That’s not easy for me to do and I’m not good at it.
I don’t think most people enjoy being new… but it particularly seems to grate me. I hate being completely new at something. I’m used to feeling somewhat competent and comfortable and when I’m not in a place like that, it’s hard. It has been rare that I feel out of place up until relatively recently when I have started teaching more often. It’s not that I don’t know the material and it’s not that I don’t think I have anything to offer– it’s just been challenging coming up with activities and lesson plans that fit me and are engaging for 2.5 hours. -_-
To that end, I am having an expert in the field Zoom in for a virtual lecture this evening, trying to push through my tech phobia and fear that something will go wrong despite my having tested everything on my end. I have enough material prepared that if it totally didn’t work for some reason, I would be fine and able to fill the whole class with meaningful stuff, but I just have having things sort of out of my control and into the unknown. But, I am trying to push through that and do things differently that I think could really benefit my students. I’m trying to just focus on that.