I worked on my dissertation today for one hour instead of my allotted two. And yes. I felt guilty about that, but I tried not to. I spent time outside, and I think that’s what I needed. I still think I’m recovering from teaching my five week class … yes, I’m proud of myself, but I do think it took a toll. I did get physically sick near the end of it, and I think time in nature is definitely part of my healing process to become grounded within myself again.
So when I’m feeling guilty about not being as productive as I think I should be, I try to think that I’m doing for myself what I really need right now. I did Zumba with my mom today and swam 40 laps. I’m choosing to take care of myself and not kill myself through the dissertation process (as best I can).
When I lie outside, I feel fulfilled. It rejuvenates me like nothing else. Even if I’m on my deck listening to the rain and thunder… it helps me so much more than sitting in front of a screen listening to nature sounds. I have to be out there. In it. Because I am a part of it.
There will always be more work to do. Take care of yourself first. Your work will be waiting, and if you come to it more healthy than before, you may even find you can think about things more creatively.