I can’t believe another year has gone by… time really does fly.
If 2019 taught me anything, it’s that you can’t wait for people to show up for you how you want them to and the sooner you accept yourself for who you are— your true nature, the less time you’ll waste and the less you will suffer.
In my case (even though I don’t really like Game of Thrones) I’m an Arya.
The sooner you accept the “that’s not me”s that your soul is screaming at you … the sooner you’ll drop worrying about pleasing other people and what other people think you should be doing with your life.
I’ll always be an adventurer. And that’s that.
The above photo is of a diary that my dear friend Bridgett gave me for Christmas. It’s so nice to have a friend who gets you, sees you for who you are. This is probably the most beautiful diary I’ve ever gotten and I’ve had many. Always been a writer. I’ve always been extremely drawn to and connected to the water/sea… I’ve been swimming since I was three and had my first snorkeling adventure in 2012 or 2013 I believe. I have been obsessed ever since and feel like I belong in the water.
But this image, I think, sums up me and my year. It was colorful, I had so many wonderful moments in nature where I truly felt connected. 2019, other than losing my bulldog Mr. Darcy (aka Squishy) on January 1st, was the best year of my life. I focused on myself and my own health more so than I think I ever had. In some ways, I was forced to let other people help me, even though that is extremely uncomfortable for me. It was a good lesson though. I was forced to say no. Enough. I rejected shallow connections. I accepted less bullshit from other people and didn’t wait for them to act right to be a part of my life. I challenged myself to do things that I never thought I would be able to do, like teach at the master’s level. When I look back on how bad my anxiety was in my early 20s, I never thought I would make it this far. Not even career-wise but just … being alive. It’s a miracle. It’s humbling. It’s spiritual.
I don’t really like setting “resolutions,” because they remind me of a sort of succeed/fail dichotomy.
My personal goals for myself in 2020 are to:
- Allow myself to make mistakes and START again (get back on track) without guilt.
- Focus on my fitness/eating mindfully.
- Swim laps more and commit to it at least once or twice a week.
- Finish my PhD.
- Commit to being in nature more (hiking, doing work outside, etc).
- Saying no when I mean it. Not making plans with people because I feel like I have to.
- More creative writing. Maybe outlining a novel.
- More creative activity– making things out of clay/selling on Etsy.
- Continue to not put more into friendships than I get out of them.
*** And more concretely, grow this blog to 500 followers and get 7,000 total views for 2020. Blog here thoughtfully at least once a week.
I think that’s a lot to focus on, and I don’t want to overwhelm myself. That sounds good. What are your goals? Do you make any around the new year?
~*~ Natalie ~*~