I was a little bored today… well, that’s an understatement. Working from home is getting to me more than I thought it would. Though I would normally work from home some days during the week, being forced to much of the time is wearing me down. Today I played with some makeup and made the above “grunge” look you see with the earthy greens and the martian dust orange. I love it and I think it makes my green eyes pop.
I did do some writing today about having realistic hope during this time of crisis. If you think you’d be interested, you can read more about it here. There are some tips included as to how to keep your mental health as stable as possible.
For me, having it confirmed that there will be another month of quarantine made everything much more real. Two weeks ago I was scheduling my clients two weeks out, thinking that if they prefer in person sessions that that should be able to happen. Yikes. I was hopeful, but naive I suppose.
I am trying my best to take this time to reset myself. Like the whole Earth appears to need a reset, I am taking this time to give myself rest, exercise, re-ground myself, and to write about my anxiety. I have wanted to creatively write for so long and now that I have the time to really get going on a larger project, I feel stumped and stifled… lethargic.
I did read a useful meme on facebook though… saying that it’s ok if you’re not that productive during A GLOBAL CRISIS/PANDEMIC. I’m ever the self-critic… this made me stop and think that again, I am doing the best that I can.
I have lost some weight. It is amazing to me that I stopped overeating and eating junk food, normally a time like this would have spelled disaster for my fitness/physical health as well. I’m not sure what exactly changed or what as motivated me. I thought it was external motivation, but… no one is seeing my fitness progress, so that can’t be it. I think it’s at least starting to tip more toward internal motivation, which I am so grateful for. I need to continue to distance myself from things and people that make me feel icky. I hope you take this time for reflection and do the same. I will leave you with a quote I selected from the tips blog I linked above…
We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.
This speaks to me on a spiritual level. Dealing with uncertainty is part of the universal human condition. I don’t like it, but it’s reality, and a stark reality right now. The ebb and flow of life includes hardships and to live a rich and full life you need to let yourself fully feel the devastating emotions as well… otherwise, if you try to cover up uncomfortable emotions, you run the risk of living your life dissociated and asleep, as I did for a very long time. Be on the look out for a book review very soon. I finished Alice Miller’s The Drama of the Gifted Child and it rocked my soul to the core. If you believe you have suffered any type of relational/attachment trauma early on, this book is for you. If you’re a therapist, it’s a must read, and if you want to understand a friend or partner who has had a difficult upbringing, this is ESSENTIAL. I wish I could have met Alice Miller. Anyway, take care and be well.
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3 thoughts on “Quarantine Day 17”
“I need to continue to distance myself from things and people that make me feel icky”
Perhaps this is where the avoidance of junk food and overeating has come from? Maybe when we are forced to solely rely on ourselves to feel good, we’re more sensitive to the effects of food on our mood.
“I love it and I think it makes my green eyes pop.”
It does suit your eyes! 😄
“If you believe you have suffered any type of relational/attachment trauma early on, this book is for you”
That book sounds very appropriate for you, and thank you, I am noting this book down!
P.S. I think I accidentally unfollowed you, although I’m suspecting WordPress is randomly playing up half the time, as I keep finding I’m no longer following people…! 🤷♂️
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WordPress gets sneaky sometimes !!
I truly feel like I am waking up again and becoming aware of all things that have influenced me—- good and bad.
I hope you are well!
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Great! Learning about ourselves is always very satisfying :).
I’m good, thanks! Mostly cannot complain :).
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