One thing that I find frustrating is when people conflate good conversation and good creative energy with physical attraction. It almost feels like a violation of something sacred.
If I share personal experiences with someone and have a deep connection that doesnβt by default mean there has to be a sexual attraction or connection. I often find that men are socialized to believe that if there is an emotional understanding or shared experience then there must be a sexual attraction because only in romantic relationships do men share themselves. This is a shame. I hope this changes.
Eternal Ocean of Words 
I completely agree! I actually used to be guilty of this, but with age and more maturity I’ve seen the error of it. Now I am realising that female friends are much better for me than male friends in a lot of ways :D. And connection IS sacred, it’s too important to risk it unnecessarily.
Part of the problem is that there is unconscious objectification of women, though I am sure that it happens the other way too, and possibly is evening out, but is definitely quite one-sided. The bombardment with images and messages which objectify women has a big part in it, I think. Porn use is known to cause this effect too. Society is sexualising at a crazy speed, it’s scary and creepy.
But yeah, examples of men mistaking emotional connection for attraction are so common.
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Oh this also raises the question of the appropriateness of guys in relationships having female friends and vice-versa. My personal philosophy is for total freedom, for lots of reasons. It’s necessary to face and to question feelings of jealousy in this topic, because a guy cannot have female friends if he feels he would need to stop talking to them once they got a girlfriend. I do think that’s a significant part of it. And I would bet that most guys would expect to have problems with that situation once they were in a romantic relationship (and would have problems with their partner having male friends). This kind of thing seems to improve with age and social maturity, though.
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Also Iβve always had male friends. I totally think itβs possible to be appropriate with opposite sex/gender friends or friends of a gender that you are attracted to. It doesnβt mean you want to bang everyone !
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Hahahaha! So blunt, lol.
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Thank you for commenting on objectifying people! I have been thinking about that so much lately and I’m sure it happens to lots of people regardless of gender— but yes! I get so so frustrated when my niceness is mistaken for sexual interest… it’s like my god, can we get our emotional connection needs met without sex needing to be a factor?! Please?!?! I am sure porn has a HUGE affect on how people relate to each other/view on intimacy.
Emotional connection and friendship are definitely sacred things also. If it is to go any further than that I think compassion and communication need to be part of it and for whatever reason it just seems like emotional connection = must have sex for some people. Sigh. lol
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Yes!! Friendly isnβt always flirting!
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I find it interesting that you have said several times in your blog that you have a partner, but that is the extent of your comment. Is there something missing or implied that your readers are missing?
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Thanks for your comment! Iβve taken to using the term partner instead of boyfriend I think because of the field Iβm in (gender neutral language is often preferred). But I can certainly write about he and I more π heβs pretty cool.
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