How to know when it’s time to let someone go.

This is so important, and I’ve been working on it for a while. And no, I’m not speaking romantically, but I suppose these tips could fit with that situation as well.

You know that feeling you get when there’s just tension surrounding your connection with someone and you don’t know why? Maybe it’s lingering history, maybe they throw you off-kilter and don’t seem consistent or genuine in their actions, maybe they never genuinely apologized or made amends for how they treated you, maybe they’re wishy washy… whatever the case may be, trust your gut.

For myself, I picture meeting up with that person for coffee, work, or just chatting and see what goes on in my body. If I think … what a drag, or, my stomach drops, I know something is up. Lately, I’ve been realizing life is too short to spend time and energy on people I don’t feel comfortable around and whose actions don’t foster trust and loyalty. You know it when you feel it.

So here’s tips on how to know when it’s time to release someone from your energy/head space and give them up to God/the universe/whatever. You may need consider putting distance between yourself and someone or severing ties completely when:

  • What they say doesn’t match what they do (e.g., they talk bad about someone to you and then you come to find out they’re actually close with that person. AKA they’re probably also bad mouthing you to others)
  • The two of you act like you are in a relationship, but they refuse to introduce you to their friends or family for whatever reason or they “don’t want labels” (if you’re fine with this set up, groovy, but if you’re not… know it could be a warning sign of a toxic person)
  • You are not getting what you need out of the connection (e.g., equal division of work labor, time, affection, whatever it is for that specific connection)
  • When you tell them that they’ve hurt you, their response is to get defensive, ghost/ offer no meaningful dialog or support
  • They appear aloof/refuse to engage in “real” talk or emotional intimacy
  • They contact you only when they want something and ask you no questions/aren’t genuinely interested in you or how you are doing
  • Your energy drags when you think about interacting or your stomach drops when they text
  • You find after reflecting that you are holding on because of how YOU THINK they are/were or how they used to act or used to be (AKA, living in the past and not acknowledging what they are showing you now in the present).
  • They play dumb and pretend not to acknowledge or understand why their actions may be hurtful
  • They come and go in your life as they please, but always expect to have access to you and your attention when it suits them

Remember, you don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation as to why you are putting up boundaries or severing ties if you don’t want to give it. You might want to especially refrain from this if you are dealing with a person who gas lights you. Run, run far away and give no more information, time, or energy to people like this.

When it’s time to release someone, you may want to visualize yourself taking all of the energy you spend thinking of them and releasing it. Visualizing it leaving your body (could be in an orb, light, or whatever suits you) and entering the “outside” universe or giving it up to God and releasing that tension. You don’t have to help this person, figure them out, or remain attached to them if it’s hurting you or just isn’t serving you well.

Life truly is too short to waste it on things and people that stress you out.

Be well


6 thoughts on “How to know when it’s time to let someone go.

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