What breaks our hearts is also what connects us: the exquisite impermanence of the phenomenal world; our longing to keep what we love the same forever; and our desire for that which we can’t stand to go away and never come back.
Mirabai Starr
It’s interesting to contemplate this. Everyone does want to feel good, I assume, or at least neutral ? But I have been trying to take a sort of “back seat” or observer role of my experience when I’m angry or upset or whatever and that creates some helpful distance. But what’s telling is that I don’t think I seek that distance when I feel happy or joyful. Lol so I’m trying to not create a hierarchy of experiences or emotions and just seek to be present with it all. It’s challenging at times.
I also think about how I used to be such a controlling person in my younger years. If I were dating someone I would grasp tightly afraid to lose them. But how can we expect people NOT to change when we are also constantly changing ? It doesn’t make sense. I want the space to fully be myself, to express, to be seen, and I want that for my partner too. Even if his life were to take a direction I hadn’t anticipated. Control no longer captivates me and I realize it was an illusion perpetuated by trauma anyway.
Much love
Natalie
Eternal Ocean of Words 