For all mourning may be transformed into joy if you have endurance enough to make the journey.
If Women Rose Rooted – Sharon Blackie
This books is resonating with me so much. I’ll have to try to articulate that in a future post.
But I have found this quote to be true for me. I’ve been feeling on the verge of some type of break through recently, spiritually? Or something. Like coming back to myself and finding out that some of the gifts I possess aren’t always valued in the current society. I have been mourning that, I think, in some ways.
On breaks I have the time and space, usually, to get back to myself. And that is usually in some form of creative outlet. This winter break it has been dancing and painting primarily, and some writing. Hopefully more writing will be on the horizon. But I think that a lot of the loss associated with not feeling valued as a sensitive person and for what I bring to the table is being slowly transformed. That’s what I’ve found. When my anxiety was particularly bad in the past if I could just hold on long enough something else would come into my awareness. Something else will always happen if you can just make that journey. I’m assuming it’s similar with any type of loss whether it’s a person, identity, or loss of time. It can be transformed if you’re still breathing.
Has mourning been transformative for you?
I’ve started to become more stingy with my time and tried to prioritize creation. Whether that’s creating movement to music, words on a page, or art. I am trying to continue to carve out time for that even as the spring semester looms.
Much love
Natalie
Eternal Ocean of Words 
Funny, I was mourning a loss of time before and during reading this. I’m annoyed at a loss of time over the past two years since when I was making great strides with my mental health, mostly OCD, because of my circumstances going backwards, the actions of others. It’s really difficult to move past that feeling in order to get back on the track of progress with it. Especially when I’m so isolated. I have to just decide to move on from it 🤷♂️. I’m angry about it and anger is just demotivating. And I’m angry that I couldn’t move on sooner because I’m just losing my own time now.
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I feel that on a spiritual level. I get angry sometimes about how much time I’ve wasted (and sometimes still continue to waste) not doing things I want to do because of my anxiety. It just saps so much energy sometimes. Sigh. It’s so hard to have some things out of your control that affect your mental health… I hate that feeling of having to claw back out of a hole. I’m sorry you’re isolated love 😦
I try to remind myself that a lot of the circumstances that affect me aren’t my fault and that I should just try my best to take care of myself/conserve my energy so that I can try to slowly work toward my goals. That’s about the best I can do.
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Thank you Natalie. You’re also the kind of person who doesn’t need to be reminded of the finiteness of life, right? Rather the opposite haha. Hearing people state with glee how we should make the most of each day is nerve wracking. We don’t actually need guilt-tripping over that lol.
Yes I’m the same with the goals at the moment. I related to everything in your post too. My nearby female friend also needs the chance to go through this transformation to feeling valuable and valued as she’s highly sensitive and a remarkable person, but been given so much to deal with. It is so important.
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I wish sensitives were valued in this day and age. Sigh.
I remember fearing the finiteness of life when I was 5 years old. Lol.
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Hahaha! Yes same. I used to envision a time when most of my family would be dead from old age. And the fact it was no idle dream but the actual future was hard to shake off. Also at 5 I had to have a CT scan after a skateboard accident whilst out with my family. My face had a large gash 😆. I’d gone into a fence so there was no real danger of more than a flesh injury. My brother kissed my cheek because he thought I was gunna die 😂.
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Strange! I had to have stitches on my face around the same age!
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Whaaaat ! I don’t think I had stitches but remember having a huge scab down the length of my face. Looked horrible.
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I had a fat upper lip for weeks. Lol.
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How did it happen? 🤔
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Not a very exciting story. I tripped and fell when I threw a sock in the air and tried to catch it. Smashed my face on the corner of a piano bench. Lol
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