A Companion

For as far back as I can remember, I have always wanted a companion, romantic feelings not required, but would be nice. I don't feel as though I have been really known by my family. They seemed to have been too busy with their own lives to take the time to get to know what [...]

A Day for Myself

  Today I swam in a lake, even though I couldn't see the bottom and I felt the sun on my skin while I read and wrote. I took the day entirely to myself and went to Moraine State Park, in spite of the work I could be doing on my dissertation and coursework for [...]

Wellness Wednesday

I'm so aggravated right now. For whatever reason wordpress won't load on my shit laptop so I'm writing from my shit iPhone4.  Anyhow. I'll keep this brief because I'm not feeling very "well" today anyway. Though I did submit a proposal to a conference so I guess that's something to feel good about. Keeping your [...]

Wellness Wednesday

My own computer was not cooperating, so I am writing this brief post at school. I think over the past week I have come to recognize and value simplicity in my life. I don't mean to say simple-mindedness, I mean weeding out the fluff, unnecessary hassles and people in my life. I have gotten better [...]

Wellness Wednesday

Today I had a bunch of ideas about what topic to write about... shame, trauma, sleep... but I am choosing connection/relationships for this week because connecting with others has been.... has always been ... rather difficult for me. I recall when I was younger in elementary school feeling like I was uninterested in the majority [...]

Wellness Wednesday

This new title of "Wellness Wednesdays" seems more hypocritical each week as my anxiety gets worse and I continue to overeat and workout less. But maybe I do have more reason than normal to have my anxiety activated this week at least. I went to a conference over the weekend and presented. While my presentation [...]

High Functioning Anxiety 11

It's Wednesday again, huh? Not really sure what to write. I've been keeping up with school work, just doing the minimum, which is what I can manage right now. And I'm kind of ok with that. My current circumstances have allowed me to take better care of myself and I'm grateful for that. I did, [...]

Night Terror Last Night

Feeling upside down today. My anxiety has been relatively calm since I returned from Belize, so I am not sure what, if anything, spurred this. I spoke with my therapist about my dream this morning. I had the sensation that it was a long and involved dream, but here are the bits I remember: I [...]

High Functioning Anxiety 10

I spent all of last week in Belize and took this photo at sea. Swimming is one of the few activities that usually calms and grounds me back into my body. Being completely present and not dissociated can be uncomfortable for me, I have a heightened startle response, I find people and things overwhelming. It's [...]

High Functioning Anxiety 9

The last week or so has been pretty miserable for me. I find one of my trauma/anxiety/whatever is wrong with me triggers is feeling like I can't say no to something or being so stressed and confused to the max to where I can't make good decisions or feeling forced into something. That has been [...]