Yay for Meltdowns

So. I thought maybe I was still just exhausted from this semester and then I realized … my melt down today was about scheduling. As it usually is, though sometimes in disguise. I had an opportunity to meet up for lunch with some people. A time wasn’t given. So I showered. Felt rushed. Then the [...]

Grieving and CPTSD Healing

Even though I've intuitively known this... going through it my self has made it that much more real, and interesting. To heal from relational trauma, you have to grieve. May seem like, well, d'uh. But you might not realize all you have to grieve. It's not just a recent relationship. It's what you didn't get [...]

Trauma Fawn Response

Maybe staying home and recharging for four days will give me the reset I need. We'll see. I just have no energy for anything and don't feel like leaving the house. I'm just grading final projects for my students. I've been trying to read and write and do things at home. I've been reading more [...]

CPTSD reframe

When emotionally activated I feel shame because my parents rained disgust on me for being me. I say no to these toxic parental curses, and I am proud and right to see how they tried to murder my soul. I give them their shame back as disgust - the disgust any healthy adult feels when [...]

CPTSD and catastrophizing

I’m working through some readings on CPTSD for myself and for the next iteration of the trauma counseling class I teach. And it has often occurred to me that the gold standard for therapy is often CBT. But CBT alone often isn’t sufficient for addressing trauma because thought distortions manifest for good reason. Maybe the [...]

Autistic People Ask Questions

I recently read an article about this, I believe, from LinkedIn. And it got me thinking about how folks found me annoying growing up when I would ask the same thing over and over again, typically about schedules. But it helped me to feel safe, knowing what was coming or what to prepare myself for. [...]

Tango tango

Despite having cancelled plans with a few friends lately I did end up making it to a couple ballroom events I had tickets for this weekend. I got some feedback that my tango is getting better and I’m holding my frame more… what an interesting thing to realize—How you dance reflects a lot about you [...]

Today is just one of those days I suppose

I have made a commitment not to do any work on Sundays and have kept it. I try to write creatively, read, paint, and incorporate movement into my day. Today I went on a walk in the sun, spent time with my boyfriend, spent some time trying to work on some creative writing projects, and [...]

Quote of the Day

It’s possible I am pushing through solid rock In flint like layers, as the ore lies, alone;I am such a long way in I see no way through,And no space: everything is close to my face,And everything close to my face is stone. Rainer Maria Rilke I feel like this a lot lately. Like I [...]

Quote of the day

The endless self-improvement project, fueled by self-loathing and foiled by the realities of the human condition, has only reinforced the illusion that you are separate from your Source. Mirabai Starr The pressure to be a certain way. Look a certain way. Perform. Produce. Consume. All under the guise of “living your best life,” it’s not [...]