Let's just start by saying relational trauma is a thing. And it can make connecting with people especially hard. I realize that certain tendencies within myself are trauma responses. My tendency to clean when I'm anxious and don't feel well. Why do kids who grow up in unstable environments feel the need to be perfect [...]
I've noticed that if I don't engage in creative endeavors often enough I feel so much less fulfilled and more sluggish. I'm going to try to commit to making things and writing creative things more often. Maybe get more active on my Etsy shop again. I love making little critters with polymer clay. I think [...]
Worked on my dissertation today, went to Zumba and saw 4 clients in a row at the private practice. Was great to see progress that my clients have made, but I'm spent-- more so because of dissertation worries than anything else. I think overeating brings up a lot for me. I notice how much better [...]
I spent nearly six hours today writing for various projects, some for pay, some not. Spent substantial time and energy on my dissertation proposal, which I actually think is coming together. That's good to say. I lifted this morning with an instructor that was gone for a month, so it's good to have her back [...]
So I've been trying to be true to myself recently by making time to write creatively while also being swamped with PhD life/dissertation stuff/class prepping/academic work. One of my true passions is creative writing and it's so hard to not have that beaten out of you. Don't get me wrong, academic writing is definitely creative [...]
Sea air Billows bright dresses Cools sunned skin Beckons exploration of Watery depths Before And within
There's nothing quite as disappointing As looking toward someone Anticipating connection Recognition Mutual acknowledgment Only to find them asleep.
I must remind myself Winter and coldness Do not meant death Nor anything bleak. They merely signal change a withdrawal into oneself to process and refine so rebirth is possible.
Without much strain, You can often find light In the darkness. Sometimes you must seek it- Trudging and slopping through a swamp Other times it rises As the moon Over a night lake While you repose- Dry on a dock.
Suspended and weightless Swept away, breathless I disappear Time stalls and stops At sea I can't believe I'm going to be 30 soon... pretty much nothing in my life has turned out how I thought it would, but that's ok. Overall I really can't complain-- other than about my anxiety I suppose. After [...]