The Clutter

I know I’m not an actual hoarder, but sometimes I feel like it. My clutter can simultaneously give me comfort and anxiety. It’s familiar and makes me feel tucked in at my desk with all the stacks of books and strewn papers, but then when I have to do some writing that requires energy, like academic writing, I find my clutter a nuisance. I can’t get the energy or my headspace right enough for me to do my best work. So I spent an hour cleaning and purging today. Purging things I thought I might need at some point in time, but haven’t, and likely never will. It’s time well spent.

I think I have to get over this idea of wasting time. It gives me anxiety and I try instead to transform that idea into something like this: I’m doing what I was meant to be doing at this moment. I’m attending to what I need to attend to. And if that’s decluttering my room so I can have a more productive 2 hour dissertation session tomorrow then so be it.

I need to learn to let go of the things that are no longer useful or positive for me, that includes humans. I’ve been getting better with that lately.