So you know how you have dreams and then you normally forget them soon after you wake up, or at least after a few days?
Well, I had one probably two weeks ago, but it kept popping into my head. And if you’re into Freud or Jung like I am (in some regards), you may also believe that dreams can be important, though they speak in imagery and symbols.
So my dream that keeps popping into my head is that I was back in the house I grew up in/spent the most time in when I was little. Everything looked the same. I was lying in my room at night on my bed with a boyfriend (both adults), trying to go to sleep, and we heard this annoying buzzing. We thought it was maybe a light outside, but it kept getting louder and more troublesome and then we sensed/saw movement in the darkness. We turned on the night light and in the far right corner of my room by my vanity there was a dark sagging bulge in the ceiling, as if there were water damage or something up there was heavy and rotting. A visceral fear/disgust reaction came over me in the dream when I realized that the buzzing sound was bugs/flies hovering around the mass on the ceiling. There grew to be so many of them I was afraid I would inhale them and they started to touch my face. I got up quickly to try to get out of my room and slam the door so the bugs would stay in there, on the other side of the door as I was shutting it were huge butterflies. Huge. They were gorgeous. Some where black with orange stripes (didn’t look like a monarch, but more like the one pictures above) and some were blue. It just seemed so out of place that it stopped me in my tracks when I was running out of my room. I was looking at them in wonder when the dream ended.
I guess this dream really wanted to be analyzed, because I could not forget about it. I guess what I think it likely symbolizes is that my childhood/sheltered existence is ending quite forcefully, rotting. Some things in my childhood that I wish were different are just rotting and no longer important, maybe dangerous. My room, where I spent so much of my time hiding and upset when I was younger was being rotted away by water. And even though I thought it disgusting with all the bugs, for whatever reason I’ve been conditioned to think butterflies are beautiful, so even though there were just two different types of bugs, very near to each other, just on the other side of a door, I found one more safe/attractive than the other. The one associated with the future/transformation (butterflies) was the one I graduated toward, though I could have just as easily found the other ones (flies for helping things decay) helpful because they seemed to be devouring things in my past that no longer serve me. I guess both decay and transformation are sort of the same things. The more I think about the dream, the less I understand what was so disturbing to me during it, especially inside the room.
Whenever you make a big change in your life, it’s often scary… even if the shift is only internal.
Sometimes you don’t know what beauty could lie behind a closed door.
And you may only get to see that beauty if you actually start to CLOSE that door.