I’m starting this year out soft instead of strong. Yes, I have things that I want to work on this year, like more mindful eating and putting myself and my energy first. I am going to try hard not to lose sight of that, but I want to keep everything realistic and not overwhelming. I tend to put a lot on my to-do list each day, so I’m going to keep things to a manageable minimum, especially before the semester starts.
What have the highlights been in 2022? Maybe I’ll start with lows. lol There were certainly a lot of lows, especially early on. But. I learned a lot about myself and what I need/want out of life and how unbalanced and sick I can get when I feel stuck, unheard, and not having my needs met. My physical and mental health took a serious turn last Spring, but I don’t think I’ll be in a position to let that happen again.
The highlights were certainly deepening friendships, spending time in nature paddle boarding with friends and by myself, starting with a new therapist that I think connects better with me, playing with sea lions in the Galapagos, spending more intentional time dancing and improving my dance skills, standing up for myself, and unexpectedly finding someone I connect really well with.
I’m going to try to base all of my decisions and commitments this year on my energy levels. Do I have the energy for that? If not, if it’s not necessary for me to deplete myself, then I won’t.
In some ways I still feel like I’m recovering from a lot this year, but everyone has been so gracious with me when I’ve cancelled plans last minute or gone MIA and just wanted to be by myself. I think I just need to accept that I need a lot more alone time to regulate than most people and that’s okay. And if friendships end because of that, I have to choose myself first. I have seen what happens when I choose other people before myself… I ended up very close to hurting myself very badly (not suicidal, but just not taking care of myself so I passed out, fell, and got pretty banged up… could have been much worse). And I’ll likely have a scar from that fall for the rest of my life to remind me.
I’ll never do that again.
Vow to put yourself first in 2023 as well.
Much love
Natalie
Eternal Ocean of Words 