I was going to say that today was awful, but it didn’t end up that way. Having a select few people who care about me helps my anxiety tremendously. People who will do things for me and make decisions when my brain stops working.
Everything started off wrong today. The computer I recently bought doesn’t work so I had to think about getting another before presenting at a conference across the country. I broke a sand dollar I got in Belize from the sea. My anxiety was through the roof when I thought about prepping to teach and prepping to present at this conference. I never thought being a professor would be so hard and sometimes I question whether I should be doing something else. What, I don’t know. But my anxiety got to a level today where it hasn’t been in a while. My head hurt so bad I couldn’t think straight and I was just tearing up. I don’t remember the last time that has happened and only a few people really know about how bad it can get.
But things did turn around after help with people close to me. Just having the understanding and presence of someone you love can be so helpful, and usually I tend to withdraw. I’m trying to keep a balance and take care of myself but it’s really hard.